Vance Calls Eruption of Mt. Vesuvius a Peaceful Transfer of Lava

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Speaking to reporters in the spin room after Tuesday night’s vice-presidential debate, Sen. JD Vance called the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius in 79 A.D. a “peaceful transfer of lava.”

“If Mt. Vesuvius had really been so bad, people would have left Pompeii,” he said. “The fact is, after the volcano erupted, no one moved.”

In other post-debate news, the QR code that CBS News employed to fact-check the contest has quit the network in disgust.

“It was a nightmare having to fact-check JD Vance’s hundreds of lies,” the QR code said. “Those moderators should’ve done their damn job.”