Borowitz tips for MAGA Thanksgiving

How to Gaslight Your Trump-voting Relatives This Thanksgiving

Stuck with MAGA relatives around the table today? Gaslight them by pretending you’re a convert to their movement! Just slip these surefire talking points into the conversation:

1. Matt Gaetz would have been a great Attorney General. No one cares more about America’s children.

2. I can’t wait for Trump’s tariffs. I’m sick of paying so little for everything.

3. American education is a mess, and that’s because we’ve never had someone in charge of it with professional wrestling experience.

4. The fact that a worm ate half of RFK Jr’s brain means he won’t have as many thoughts distracting him from his job.

5. If you ask me, Kristi Noem’s dog was asking for it.

6. Thank God Trump is kicking out all those undocumented workers! If I want fruit and vegetables I’ll just pick them myself.